Father's Touch

"In a life filled with such intense longings, sometimes it's good to remember what those longings are actually for."

Out of a total darkness came an unbearable light, and suddenly I saw the Father's face. Mercy and joy filled it, a carefree and boundless joy. Pleasure seeped into me through it, and then I heard His voice for the first time. It was so familiar, but I had never heard it in my ears, though I suddenly realized that I had no ears. I was not present in the body.

“Your sojourning days are over. Come now, come and rest.”

At these words, my heart raced (so to speak). Had I really just died? Were all things now ended though truly just beginning?

I realized suddenly just how weary and bowed with worries I had always been. How uptight, always worried what others would think of me or if somehow I was sinning. Like an old injury that you become so accustomed to that you often forget it hurts, so had those things been in my life. And yet, they were removed, each and every worry, each and every bit of shame, every last ounce of pain. I'd never realized how much of my life those things had composed until they were gone. “Lord, is it time, is it really this time? Is this just another dream or pleasant vision?”

Wordlessly but in response to my question, He reached out His hand (again, describing it as a hand is the best I can do): enormous, all-encompassing, and tender. From that hand, He stretched out a single finger and lay it on my cheek, where a tear had begun to form.

And oh, that touch, the pleasure and all-encompassing richness of it. A lover's dearest caress would seem vulgar in comparison. Ten thousand tomes could not begin to describe it. All the world's riches could not pay for it. For one experience of it would all the peoples war. The love it communicated was too much to fathom. While before I had been free from cares but still remembered them, that touch washed them all away. Deep in my mind, the knowledge of those events still existed, but the memories of them were gone. It seemed as though that flood of pleasure extended even into my past so that I felt nothing but gratitude for everything I had ever experienced, and even all my sins served only as reminders of the grace flowing through me.

My question was answered. No dream could imagine such an experience as that. As that finger drew back, I quivered: scarcely able to stand, scarcely able to think.

Just as I had realized how great my shames and worries had been by their absence, after feeling the finger of God on my cheek, I understood the loneliness that had encompassed my being since my early childhood. It had come in tidal waves or ceaseless droplets, but every day of my life, loneliness had followed me like an unwanted shadow. Even in those rare moments when I felt utterly embraced and loved, it was often after a day spent by myself, miserable on the outside.

I saw, too, in a picture spreading out behind me, how on the earth (now nearly forgotten), the embraces and love of the body of Christ, my brothers and sisters, had served as illumination of the love of God. When I felt their love, their touches, rather than turning my eyes away, most often it turned my eyes towards the supreme love of God. I saw Him through them and my loneliness was driven away for a season and my eyes turned to heaven, but on earth, that beast always returned. Now however, with the touch of that finger, that old lion had finally been driven into the ocean and drowned forever.

I recalled for the last time a particularly bitter part of that loneliness, an unmet desire constantly with me since my adolescence. Despite ceaseless longing, I never knew romantic love. Yet I ever longed for it, ever longed to experience the touch of a lover. But I realized that those desires were all shadows. The strength of the desire for eros came because it wasn't for eros, not ultimately, at least. The love of a lover was but another foreshadow, a foretaste that touch on my cheek. Even the deep, physical longings to make love with a woman, the pinnacle of earthly pleasure, were but longings for a shadow, a dark and flat projection of something exploding in colors before me.

And so looking back on all my unmet desires for the love of a woman, all the mornings and nights I spent thinking of it, it was as though into that past all those desires were turned to that moment, a far deeper union, a far greater pleasure. The bride of Christ and His wedding supper (which was even still to come!) took on a new meaning as my desires were overcome with fulfillment, a fulfillment far greater and far deeper than the things I desired.

And He said, “I'm so pleased, son. You've endured; you've conquered.” But it was so funny to hear that, because there had been so many failures, and I had been so undeserving. But we both knew, without the word being exchanged, that the conquering was the conquering of Another lived out in my life and that the endurance was in a superhuman strength not my own.

And in that moment, He grabbed me and flung His arms around me in an embrace. I could not have resisted that embrace if I had wanted to. There was just too much Strength pulling me. And for a moment, I wanted to resist, because all control and composure was lost. And then I was swept away in ecstasy and the desire to resist flooded away. For I was ruined, burst asunder with pleasure, and unmade in delight.

I've begun a Bible study through Samuel as a part of my theological preparation to head back to Japan. Here's a few thoughts from the first chapter. I'll probably be posting this stuff off and on.

About June 16, 2010

I Samuel

Samuel begins at the end of the days of the judges. As the last judge of Israel, Samuel, is the bridge between the period of the judges and the period of the kings. He is the man who will shepherd Israel from its old, disunified, dark period of the judges to the unified (though often dark) period of the kings. Israel went from being a loosely bound, tribal people, often at war with one another, to a unified nation under Saul (the man Samuel anointed).

We start the tale of Samuel with the tale of his parents. Like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and Samson's mom before her, we have another story of a barren woman: Hannah. Like Leah and Rachel before them, Hannah and her husband's other wife, Peninnah, didn't get along. Elkanah showed favoritism to the childless Hannah, while Peninnah despised and taunted her (vs 5-6). Though this probably happened at other times, it would come to a head every year during one of the sacred feasts (probably Passover), when they'd go up to Jerusalem to sacrifice. It got so severe that Hannah would become hysterical to the point of refusing to eat.

Polygamy

I think it's worth pausing here to think a little bit about what the Bible says about polygamy. It was written in a vastly different cultural context than ours, especially the Old Testament, where polygamy was the norm for wealthier men. Such cultures still exist in places like the middle east and Africa. So, when we see references to Polygamy with anyone from Abraham to David, rather than cringing, we should see it from their context and remember that this was normal back then.

OK, but what does the Bible as a whole actually say about polygamy? Well, in the OT, there are no bans on it, though there are certain regulations, such as that the king of Israel was not to take many wives, lest his heart be led astray (Deut. 17:17). We can look to the created order of Adam and Eve, one man and one wife, as an example, but that again is not a prohibition. In the NT, deacons and bishops were to be men of “but one wife” (I Tim. 3:2,12). But for all the passages on marriage, but again we see no prohibition of polygamy. Our strong cringe at any reference to the practice is probably more cultural than Biblical.

However, without a ban on polygamy, the Bible gives us great examples of why it's a bad idea. These examples come through stories such as the war between Leah and Rachel and this chapter of I Samuel. It shows the tendency of the men for favoritism, and all the strife is can produce in a household. Look at what these women are called in verse 6: “rivals” (a word often translated as “trouble”). Is this the type of dynamic you want in your household? In the story of Leah and Rachel, we can take see a sample of how objectified women can become when there is more than one wife, and it's hard to “love your wife as Christ the church” when there is more than one wife. These are the best reasons we have to reject polygamy, I personally think. Rather than arguing that the Bible explicitly bans it, I'd rather argue that it's just a really bad idea. Besides, it's not much of an issue in our culture, anyways.

Families and children

Another interesting thing comes up here, and that's the statement “Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?” To the women of that day, if they could not bear children, it was one of life's greatest shames. In a culture like that one, marriage and children are a part of life, just as getting a job is a part of life in America. I imagine that to not have a child would be, in a modern equivalent, like never once working a job in your entire life. It was just something you were supposed to do.

So, Hannah was under much shame from a cultural context, but I think that part of who she was as a woman was related to bearing children. I theorize that there is something inside of women that is satisfied and gains great contentment in childrearing. Even in the garden, God told the first couple to be fruitful and increase in number. It's my opinion that there are certain things like this that are hardwired into us as men and woman as an important part of our identity (working and providing for the family is one such thing for a man). When we can't do these things and get depressed, it's not that there is something wrong with us that we need to “get over,” like Elkanah told Hannah to do. These things are deep in our hearts, and they are real hurts, as real as any physical wound.

In such a case (bareness, inability for a man to provide for his family, etc), we need great comfort and tenderness. It really is a big deal. Perhaps I was too hard on Elkanah, and when he spoke to Hannah it was with tenderness, reminding her of what she did have. Either way, in our modern, genderless, career-focused world, let's not forget how much these things can hurt. Nor, as we progress through this story, should we forget God's power to heal.

God really seems to like healing barren women. Whether he grants her children or not (which He does often in the OT), we see His heart for her in the pages of scripture. Modern America doesn't think much of this aspect of life. We focus so much on the sexual act that we forget the joy of children and how people long to have them. We've also solved barrenness in many cases through modern science. But that longing for kids, sometimes delayed or never fulfilled is real and powerful and good. Being a barren woman is a broken, hard situation. Perhaps the reason God put so many barren women in the scriptures is to show His caring heart to comfort them and to show the barren women of today that He can use their suffering for His greater good.

Perhaps we could also extend this to those who wish to marry but are single. In a sense, this is a barrenness. As we read this story, we see how God used Hannah's barrenness for His glory and ultimately gave her children. This is a comfort to us lonely singles out there that God hears our prayers and will provide both marriage and children when His timing has come to completion. And if it does not, we praise Him anyways, for His plans for us are better than we can imagine, even if they are hard. Our hearts are on the heavenly pilgrimage, not on earthly contentment.

In addition, a word of warning to couples who would say, “I'm never having children.” The desire to procreate is hardwired into us and is actually commanded in scripture (Genesis 2, 9:1). To go against that is to go against your human nature. Beware. This can lead to great depression and anxiety. I know that changing a diaper at 3 AM and paying for college doesn't sound fun, but it's how we are created as human beings, and it is with great caution that we should go against that. Because for some reason, people find happiness in children, even with all the stress they provide. Our nature simply is to find joy in them, but it's an intangible joy, unlike the vacation to Europe that their college tuition could have paid for.

A friend of mine used to wake up at 4:30 AM every morning because his 2-year-old always got up with the sun (or earlier). Having three kids closely together, he went through eight years straight, without a break, of diapers. He was also pretty short on cash, as he lived in Japan through most of that time, where kids are not cheap. But he told me once (though his exhaustion-clouded eyes) that kids are the greatest joy in the world and that he would not trade them for anything. You just can't escape your own nature.

Because of this hard-wiring towards families, I believe that it causes us to realize the even more the great sacrifice made by those who choose singleness for the gospel, like Paul did. This nature need not force us to insist on marriage for those chosen for radical missionary service. Rather, it should give us a greater perspective on just how great the sacrifice is.

This should also give us a perspective on just how great the loneliness of singles can be. Moms, dads in the church, I can say this as a lonely single man: can you let us into your families? In a culture where we marry so late, can you imagine adopting an uncle or aunt into your family to play with your kids, be a big brother to them, and (most importantly) get a free dinner? Some of my happiest moments have been with such families. College students, would you consider the great impact you can have on the lives of children even as you wait to have your own?

Our culture does not value this, but there are things like this that are simple, primal, and very real that hold an immeasurable power.

Fighting sin

June 8, 2010

As I continue to read book 14 of the City of God, which speaks much of emotions and affections, I am beginning to see a very practical outworking of all of this. For instance, here's another great quote from book 14, chapter 10. It refers to a hypothetical situation where Adam and Eve would have desired to eat the fruit and but abstained only because of fear of God's punishment. “And, indeed, this is already sin, to desire those things which the law of God forbids, and to abstain from them through fear of punishment, not through love of righteousness.”

The sin, in this line of thinking, comes well ahead of the deed. With pornography, the sin would then come when you're on the car on the way home and looking forward to your illicit pleasure. It's hard for me to say if this is true. For instance, if you get home and your Internet is out, then have you still sinned through your desire in the car? Augustine uses “Whoever looks at a woman with lust has committed adultery already” as his reasoning that the desiring and lusting after something wrong (sexual or not) is already sin.

To me, it's too great an effort to draw such a fine border around sin in a case like this. I'd rather just say that the looking forward to the porn and the looking at it are both parts of the same sin, rather than getting bogged down in technicalities. Personally, I'd say that deciding to look at porn is already sin. As far as desiring after it even before the decision... that's where I think you're just thinking too hard.

Our strategy

However, when it comes to strategy to fight the sin (this is where things get practical), what you really must fight is that desire. Fighting when you get home is too late. Fighting to make the right decision in the car is wiser, but it's hit-and-miss. One day, you may decide to go to a friend's house instead of home and avoid the tempting situation (a great tactic), but you're not in ultimate victory if you still can't go home after work because the temptation is so strong. Ultimate victory comes when your affections have been changed. So, to gain ultimate victory over sin, rather than fighting the actions of the sin itself, you must find a way to fight the affection that causes that sin, because when your heart realigns itself, the sin will stop.

Take another example: smoking. You can fight and fight and fight. You can even live in a program like the one where I worked recently, Alpha Academy, where your life is closely monitored and smoking is banned. But if the desire to smoke is strong enough, you're going to wind up smoking again (which a few of our students recently did). You can gain some victory in a program like Alpha, but if you spend your entire time in that program dreaming about cigarettes, then when you go out into the real world, you're going to find yourself smoking, again. Your victory was dependent on circumstances. You focused on fixing your actions (through being in a group living situation) while all the while dreaming of smoking.

However, if your desires change away from cigarettes, then you can find victory. It was so with me and video games. I struggled with an awful addiction, but it wasn't until I really had a change of heart that I gained long-term victory. This began when I got a painful tendonitis in my hands from playing too many games and using the computer too much, which forced me for a season to stop entirely. But I spent my time mourning that I couldn't play games like I used to, and if my tendonitis were healed, I would have gone back to them to some extent.

It wasn't after my first missions trip, when God moved in my heart, showed me that I had real-life adventures to lived for, and ignited my heart for Him, that I really gained true victory. It's no longer my hands that keep me from playing. It's my heart: I know that I have better things to do with my life. And at times I can play in a non-addictive way without a problem. That's victory.

Now, I still fall at times. The most dangerous place for me is being at my parent's house without much to do. It's the same house and the same temptation as when I was in high school, and it can be too much for me. In a sense, the addict doesn't die completely till our earthly flesh decays. This happened a few months ago when I had a couple weeks of freedom after returning from Japan, and one day I played an old DOS game for 8 hours straight. But I repented and it's behind me. It was an isolated incident, not a doorway into being ruled again by the addict.

How we fight sin

So, our strategy in the war against our sin is to change our affections. But what are our logistics of that strategy, the specifics?

First, you can't just push out an affection. It must be replaced with something better. Let's say you have a project to remove all the air from a glass cup. Try doing so by creating an airless vacuum, and at best you'll shatter the cup. But if you pour water in the cup, mission accomplished. It's against human nature to simply remove affections. We must replace them with a greater affection, and the ultimate answer to this is to replace them with great love for the One who authored all our affections and who is “The fountain of all our happiness. He is the end of all our desires.” I still have some desire for video games, but it's utterly eclipsed by my desire to live out the true adventure God has authored for me.

In my experience, this often happens in major ways when people are anointed/baptized/filled with the Holy Spirit. I speak of a post-salvation experience where the Spirit (who already is living in you) moves in your heart powerfully and fills you, and your life is never the same. This happened to me the morning after I got back from that mission trip. It's different from a mere emotional experience for God, because though it is greatly emotional, it also changes the course of your life.

The frustrating part is this: we can't make it happen. It is a gift that God chooses to bestow at will. In other words, it is a grace. All we can do is to passionately cry out for the anointing of the Spirit and to follow God as best we can, realizing that He is the One who ultimately produces serious sanctification.

Second, realize who you really are in Christ. Read and analyze Romans 7, which tells us that though there is a fleshy nature that still lives in us, at heart we are people renewed in the inner man, and that inner man longs after God. Straighten out your thinking: your identity is such that you already long for Jesus and want to get rid of sin. You sin, yes, but the war has already been won at the cross. In a sense, you must align your affections to who you have already been made in Jesus: a new man.

Third, remember the spiritual element. Satan can manipulate our affections and enslave us to sin, and he has a lot of power in our lives when there are sinful habits of many years. So, gather people around you to join in strong, spiritual-warfare prayer. Remember that there is an enemy outside as well as inside.

Forth, as much as possible, don't do those sins. Often, pleasurable sinning reinforces the love of that sin (i.e. when you smoke, you enjoy it, so you want to do it again). So, minimize the habit. But of course, if it were in your power to do this and avoid the sin, you wouldn't be reading this, so don't sweat it if there's not instant victory. Rather, try this next idea.

Do things that will make you hate your sin. This is still a bit of a theory for me, so let me know how it works. Say you're addicted to smoking. Smoke in such a way that it's not enjoyable. Put negative associations in your mind with that smoking. For instance, rather than doing it around other people, go out by yourself in the cold without a jacket and smoke. Associate it with loneliness and cold, and see if your affections change at all. That's part of what freed me from video games: they became associated with pain. If you look at porn and masturbate, don't try to maximize your pleasure in doing so, do whatever it takes to minimize your pleasure (i.e. if you're going to masturbate, go to the bathroom and do it, away from the images, to minimize the pleasure). Make sin less enjoyable, not because pleasure inherently is evil, but because doing so makes your heart long after sin less. It's a step towards ultimate victory.

But remember: guilt does not produce freedom. It produces deeper slavery. When you feel guilty because you've sinned, what do you do to cope with that guilt? Well, there's a good chance that sooner or later, you will turn to your sinful habit. That's why guilt gives sin even more power over you.

To break this guilt-sin cycle, God's grace must step in, and this is the ultimate thing that produces true holiness in us. Primarily, it does so through the blood that Jesus shed for us at the cross. When our hearts truly absorb the fact that all our sin was tortured into his mutilated body on the cross, the power of sin is broken. When we realize that “There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1), we're halfway to freedom. Satan's power is broken and our guilt is gone and the temptation is that much weaker. That mercy is the ultimate grace.

As an aside, grace is other things as well. If we call grace “an unmerited gift,” then grace can take a thousand forms. The anointing of the Spirit is a grace. It's a gift (given at God's choice). And it's unmerited (we don't deserve it). When our affections change in any way, it's a grace. Even if we work for it, we do so realizing that we don't deserve it and can't make it happen. Victory over the devil is also a grace – God's power makes it happen, not ours. These specific manifestations of grace are often called “means of grace.”

But it's hard to keep our forgiveness at heart on our own. We need other grace-focused individuals around us to do to so. It's like having a bad night of sleep then trying to stay awake through a boring lecture: almost impossible. But if you say to your friend next to you, “poke me if I nod off,” then you'll stay awake. We need those pokes of “God loves you; remember your righteousness at the cross; as far as the east is from the west...” And those pokes need to come from someone outside us, because if we are down, we need someone who's feeling good to help us. This is what a good accountability group is: not one where you go and tell everyone what you have done wrong, but one where everyone reminds you of your blood-bought innocence and purity when you sin.

The advice could go on and on: stay away from tempting situations (i.e. don't go home from work when you're tempted with porn). Make major lifestyle sacrifices to stay away from sin (like going without Internet). And so forth and so on. But ultimately, I would leave you with the importance of grace over all things. Remember God's forgiveness at the cross.

Passions and Emotions

Here's an interesting quote from the City of God talking about stoicism (Book 14, chapter 9):

"And if some, with a vanity monstrous in proportion to its rarity, have become enamoured of themselves because they can be stimulated and excited by no emotion, moved or bent by no affection, such persons rather lose all humanity than obtain true tranquility.”

It's a reminder that in Japan, one thing that people need to have transformed in them when they become Christians is their stoicism. The Spirit needs to teach them to feel again, to be passionate again, to mourn again, to love again.

Why Japan?

Why in the world am I so set on going back to Japan? Let me tell my story once again.

Each time I have gone to Japan (two summers, plus my recent year and a half) I've had a time of incredible struggle and trial, but God has used each of those experiences to transform my life and give me greater joy and power than I imagined possible.

I first went to Japan in 2004 with Campus Crusade for Christ, to the city of Sapporo. I was totally unprepared for my experiences and suffered greatly primarily as a result of fear leading to passivity, because we were doing bold evangelism (something I had no experience with) in a foreign country (I'd never been out of America). It was totally contrary to my giftings and abilities. I'm an introvert, and God has not made me primarily for that kind of ministry. I became critical of my teammates and cowardly and a little paranoid.

Ah, but the morning after returning home changed my life. The Spirit of God moved so powerfully in my heart that I have never been the same, and from that time on, He has turned my thoughts to returning and serving Him in Japan. Until my project in Sapporo, I never understood my sin, so I never really understood grace.

In 2006, I went on another summer project with Campus Crusade, this time to Tokyo. And it was hard, and I dealt with fear again, plus the loneliness of falling through the cracks on a team of 26 people. But I'd begun to understand grace, so I felt God's forgiveness after my failures. After returning to my 5th and final year at Poly, He continued to guide me to the mission field, to Japan.

My attempt at long-term service in 2008-2009 was the longest, darkest road, yet. I dealt with unbearable loneliness, temptation, and despair. But again, God delivered me through it all, and around August 2009, a couple months before leaving, the clouds of depression began to lift from my view. Since returning to America, I have experienced the most joyful season of my life, though it's been complete with confusion about employment and when and how to return to Japan.

In February and March of this year, there were two or three times where God jumped out through the words of scripture to confirm my call to eventually go back to Japan. As a consumation of this, He gave me a dream specifically calling me back on the morning of April 22.

With so much guidance, God has made my road in Japan clear enough that to avoid it would be a downright act of rebellion. Every time I have suffered, He has been faithful to use it for the good. For every ounce of sadness comes two of joy. And so I am not afraid of what is to come in that place. Jesus has commanded me to pick up my cross and follow Him, and Japan is my cross. Staying in the comfort of America is not a cross. He has promised that those who give up brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, etc. shall receive a hundred times as much both in this life and the life to come. In Hebrews 12, we are told not to lose heart when God disciplines us. In Acts 14, we are told that through many hardships we shall enter the Kingdom of God. I could go on an on, but suffice it to say that to me, the things I have suffered in Japan confirm my call to return, rather than casting it into doubt.

What would have happened if Paul had fled when on the day of his Damascus vision he was told, “I will show him all he must suffer for my name?” Or if Jesus had shied from the cross or the apostles from taking theirs? What if William Carrey had gone back to England when his wife went mad or Adoniram Judson to America when all doors seemed shut upon his arrival in India? Or what if David Brainard had given up on his mission to the Indians because his tuberculosis was too painful or Livingstone had said, “Two months of malaria is enough!”

And I do not have time to go on and tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, shut the mouths of lions, and quenced the fury of the flames. There is no space to write of Hudson Taylor, Jim Elliot, John Paton, and the rest, who founded missions, opened new fields, changed our whole paradigms of thinking, and took the gospel where it had never gone before. They were stoned, they were sawed in two, they were put to death by the sword, their wives and children died of tropical diseases, and many left this earth not seeing the smallest part of the fruits of the labors.

So, surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, how can I do anything but follow the words of the apostle Peter that “Those who suffer according to God's will should entrust themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good?” How can any other path remain open to me but to return to my field when God calls and to take up my cross and go?

Oh, that in the midst of trial I had such bravery and resolve. Oh, that I had such joy in each of my times of struggle. Oh, that I had the wherewithal to be bold in the midst of those experiences, rather timid. In those times, I have clung to hope in the future while in the moment doing a pretty lousy job. And so I find myself in a season of restoration here, praying to God to make me the man that He wants to make me for His service in His harvest fields.

Logic and Japan

As I look through Augustine's reasoning in the City of God, I wonder if his arguments could give me insight into how to speak to those in Japan about Christ. However, his arguments are very Western: methodical and logical. He examines every possible option (the cause of evil is either greater, equal to, or less than the first being turned evil. If greater, then... if less, then... if equal, then... etc). He is very thorough.

However, Japanese people just don't think like that. Even if I could prove to them, in a convincing way, that their gods were false and it was bad to worship them, they would not change their ways. Because when with the family at New Years, the social harmony would take over, and that value is far more important than truth, so they would worship at the shrines. Most of the time, Japanese don't even think along the lines of logic. To Japanese, it's a normal part of life to believe logically contradictory truths.

So, how do you get God's truth into such a context? Well, we Westerners want to go in guns blazing. Because, heck, if they believe two contradictory truths when it's socially useful, how can they become Christians? So, here's one approach: argue to change their presuppositions. It takes a lot of energy, will be offensive, and might work with a minority of the population. But I think a better approach is to use those presuppositions (i.e. lack of absolute truth), even if they are bad ones, to bring them into the Kingdom.

Here's my idea: create a warm environment where Japanese can express themselves, receive love, and get truth. The fun part about them not caring about absolute truth is that you don't have to argue why Christianity is true. Just put them in an environment where they will see the beauty of Christian love, passionate and satisfying worship of God, and feel at home. They need that, because Japanese usually come from broken families. When they revile and say, “This can't be true,” don't argue with them, because you'll just offend them. Just nod and warmly affirm their questions, give a quiet answer, and pray a lot, and let God fix that doubt. Love will argue for the truth of the gospel.

Japan is a group-oriented society, and morals and truth are determined situation-by-situation by the group. Is this wrong? From a truth-standpoint, yes. However, rather than fording the moat and battering down the gate of the castle, why not sneak in the back door? Give them a group that believes that God is, and let God do the redeeming work in their heart and ultimately change their presuppositions (which will be a long process, trust me). All we can do is give the seed a good environment to grow in (plowing, planting, watering), but God makes it grow. My geuss is that the most powerful witness to group-oriented Japanese is that they be warmly accepted by a Christian group.

There is a place for “defending the faith,” but it is much later. That time comes when serious seekers or believers experience doubts. Some old-fashoined truth can come in handy in such a case.

If we could get used to it, perhaps this non-truth-oriented culture would be easy to minister in (aside from all the other factors that make this nation tough). But it requires a church worth longing to be a part of, and that's what's hard to build in Japan.

Of free will and the Fall.

In book 12, sections 6-9, Augustine makes an argument that the cause of wills turning to evil is that they have turned away from good, not that the wills themselves are evil. 12:9 - “And the will is made evil by nothing else than defection from God – a defection of which the cause, too, is certainly deficient.” Later: “For good is not the cause of evil, but a defection from good is.”

From his reasoning, I would agree. Let's take Genesis 3 as an explanation for the cause of evil in men. Man was perfectly good and there was no evil in him in the beginning. However, his heart longed to be like God, to make himself a god, and his will turned to a lesser good (i.e. himself). Pride, as they say, is the origin of all sin. He became proud: seeking to exalt himself and be like God. That is the cause of all evil in the world: our wills exalting a lesser good over the ultimate good.

You could even argue that God didn't really need to put the tree there. It was just a physical representation of a deeper truth: the option to pursue the ultimate good or to exalt oneself as God. Even if God hadn't placed the tree there, that choice would have come out in some other way. The tree made it obvious, but the choice was always the same: exalt yourself or exalt God. Free will (the way Augustine says “a will,” we use the word “free will” today, I think) would have been there with or without the tree.

So, before the fall, Adam had a free will and it was good. It did not become evil until he ate the fruit. He ate the fruit in pride and which turned his will to evil. But why did God create wills? For His glory. To create a metanarrative of redemptive history. He knew what direction those wills would go, but so that He could redeem them and display His mercy and patience, He allowed the whole race to go astray so that He could redeem His chosen people. Wills serving God are more glorious things than non-wills serving God.

But going back further, what about Satan? He and his angels were the first wills to become evil, and he even played a part in turning Adam's will to evil. WHOA! According to Exekiel 28:13, Satan was in Eden AS a perfect being. i.e. he fell after the creation, not before.

Anyways, according to verse 17, Satan's “heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth...” Satan corrupted himself through his pride (according to NIV... not sure what it's like in the original Hebrew). Pride was his sin from the beginning. According to Isaiah 14:13-14 as well, Satan tried to ascend and be like the most high, and that's what caused him to be brought low.

So, from the beginning, pride (self-exaltation) was the sin of Satan, and it caused him to be brought low. He therefore tried to bring down mankind as well, which he did at the garden of Eden. I truly see why they say that pride is the root of all sin.

In summary

Question: Why did God create the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?

Response: Could Adam have fallen without the tree? Yes. He had a will, so with or without the tree, he would have had the choice to follow God or exalt himself. But God gave him the tree, I believe, to make the choice an obvious one, rather than a subtle one.

Question: OK, so why did God give Adam a will in the first place? With or without the tree, that's the real question?

Response: Because God saw greater good and glory in redeeming a fallen creation and wooing spoiled wills back to himself than He saw in a creation without wills that could not fall.

Augustine on the "why" of creation

A common question: Why did God create the universe? Well, here's a thought for you from the City of God:

City of God, book 11, section 24 (latter half) – And by the words, 'God saw that it was good,' it is sufficiently intimated that God made what was made not from any necessity, nor for the sake of supplying any want, but solely from His own goodness, i.e. because it was good. And this is stated after the creation had taken place, that there might be no doubt that the thing made satisfied the goodness on account of which it was made.”

Augustine's explanation as to why God created the universe was as an overflow of His goodness, it seems to me, and this makes a lot of sense to me.

Here's a great quote a few words later:

“In this, too, is the origin, the enlightenment, of the blessedness of the holy city which is above among the holy angels. For if we inquire whence it is, God created it; or whence its wisdom, God illumined it; or whence its blessedness, God is its bliss. It has its form by subsisting in Him; its enlightenment by contemplating Him; its joy by abiding in Him. It is; it sees; it loves. In God's eternity is its life; in God's truth is its light; in God's goodness its joy.”

Augustine on the creation of evil and free will

City of God, Book 11, section 17
“But God, as He is the supremely good Creator of good natures, so is He of evil wills the most just Ruler; so that, while they make an ill use of good natures, He makes a good use even of evil wills. Accordingly, He caused the devil (good by God's creation, wicked by his own will) to be cast down from his high position, and to become the mockery of His angels – that is, He caused his temptations to benefit those whom he wishes to injure by them. And because God, when He created him, was certainly not ignorant of his future malignity, and foresaw the good which He Himself would bring out of his evil, therefore says the psalm, “This Leviathan whom Thou hast made to be a sport therein,” that we may see that, even while God in His goodness created him good, He yet had already foreseen and arranged how He would make use of him when he became wicked”
“For God would never have created any, I do not say angel, but een man, whose future wickedness He foreknew, unless He had equally known to what uses in behalf of the good He could turn him, thus embellishing the course fo the ages, as it were an exquisite poem set off with antitheses.”

Augustine speaks of God's creating wills that He knew would turn to evil (specifically Satan), and planning in advance all of the good He would bring about because of those wills turned evil. The description of the devil “Good by God's creation, wicked by his own will,” implies a belief in Augustine that evil in the world is a result of wills, which God created with the full knowledge that they would turn to evil but beyond that with the knowledge of how God would turn that evil to good. He is the just Ruler of unjust wills.

The Blessed Life

The Blessed Life

As I've been reading the City of God, I see a lot of interesting stuff, and I'm going to be writing about it. Join me in my thoughts, won't you? Here's what I came up with yesterday:

One of the ideas that comes up again and again in Augustine's writing is the idea of the blessed life. This seems to have been a greater and more important concept in that ancient Roman world than today. Today, people want to be happy and content, but few would question and speak about a blessed life in the way Augustine does so. He refers to a state of absolute happiness. I get the idea that he would not say that even the most happy on earth have yet attained the blessed life.

To Augustine, this state is held most completely by God himself. 10:11: “...Though doubtless He is so truly blessed that greater blessedness cannot be...” Blessedness was held by Adam and Eve in the garden before they fell. It is also a thing that we who are redeemed shall have in Heaven, eternally.

The discussion of the blessed life is darn important today, because people in America actively seek it. It's darn important in Japan because people want it, even though they don't ever stop long enough to admit it and to think if the course of their life is actually aiming them towards it. I believe that Augustine's discussion of it closely mirrors the idea of eternal life in the scriptures. Eternal life is not just life without end, it is the blessed life, and that eternal. We see and gain it in part here in earth and fully in eternity.

To those so focused on this world that they don't care about the afterlife, Christians can still lay hold of the claim that we have the keys to the blessed life and all others are illusions. We can do so because this blessed life has its root in God, the perfectly and truly happy being, who gives the blessed life to us. All pursuit of happiness that shuts God out of the picture is doomed to to be short-lived, because all happiness flows from the supremely happy God. All other pursuit of happiness relies on “common grace,” that is, the blessings that God has given to everyone, which come and go. But blessed life in Christ relies on the specific grace which is given to us at the cross and cannot be taken away.

This is important for how we share the gospel. For if we focus entirely on heaven and hell as the rewards of following Christ, we lose many people, especially in Japan, where they don't even think about or talk about life after death. People in this modern age have lost perspective and focus only on the short-term. So, we need to show them the rewards in this life of following Christ in order to hold their attention.

One of these benefits is our hope in God that sustains us through all trials, for trials are a part of the common grace that we all draw from. This hope is something that rescues us from despair and torment. Those who pursue the blessed life out of Christ have no such hope. Because our hope is in the immutable God, whenever we face trials, we know that they are but a passing storm cloud, no matter how terrible they are. We know that behind a stormy providence, He hides a smiling face. We know that He will work it to the good (Romans 8:28), so that in 2 years, 5 years, or 10 years, we will have doubled joy when God has freed us from the trials. When we talk like that, and we live it, we show that we are the recipients of the blessed life now.

Augustine on spiritual warfare

More thoughts from The City of God:

Book 10, section 22 – “It is by true piety that men of God cast out the hostile power of the air which opposes godliness; it is by exorcizing it, not by propitiating it; and they overcome all the temptations of the adversary by praying, not to him, but to their own God against him. For the devil cannot conquer or subdue any but those who are in league with sin; and therefore he is conquered in the name of Him who assumed humanity, and that without sin, that Himself being both Priest and Sacrifice, He might bring about the remission of sins...”

The idea of overcoming the devil in the name of Jesus is not new. Though in the modern charismatic movement, it may look a little different, the fighting of spiritual warfare in the name of Jesus goes back all the way to Christ Himself. Augustine, writing around 400 AD, says basically the same thing as many charismatics.

“Rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus.” -Charismatic lingo

“They overcome all the temptations of the adversary by praying, not to him, but to their own God against him.” - Augustine

The only real difference is Augustine saying to pray to God in the name of Jesus, versus directly confronting the devil in the name of Jesus. Interesting.

A similar idea to a “spiritual stronghold” (as we often say nowadays) is basically captured in the phrase “For the devil cannot conquer or subdue any but those who are in league with sin; and therefore he is conquered in the name of Him who assumed humanity...” As we sin, we open ourselves to spiritual attack and the devil gains a foothold. As we conquer sin, he has less and less power in our lives. Ultimately, the victory has already been won decisively by Jesus on the cross, so we are totally cleansed from sin. And now, as me march forth in His name, we continue to remove the last vestiges of sin from our lives through the power of the Spirit, that every last window should be shut to the devil.

Augustine of Hippo

I've been reading the City of God, an epic book if ever there was one, by Saint Augustine. Here's some thoughts on it from what I read today:

In book 10, section 6, he writes: “This is the sacrifice of Christians: we, being many, are one body in Chrust, And this also is the sacrifice which the Church continually celebrates in the sacrament of the altar, known to the faithful, in which she teaches that she herself is offered in the offering she makes to God.”

This is a fascinating idea to me, that Chrstians celebrate their own sacrifice (Romans 12:1) as they celebrate the sacrifice of Christ when they eat communion. When we eat the bread of communion, not only do we celebrate Christ's death for our sin, but we celebrate His call to come and bear our own cross. We celebrate the union of justification of faith working itself out in a progressive sanctification: bearing our own cross because Jesus bore His to reconcile us to God.

Here's two great quotes from Book 10, section 3 (I'm not sure if these section demarkations are particular to the print of the book that I am reading):

"For He is the fountain of all our happiness, He is the end of all our desires."

"For our good, about which philosophers have so keenly contended, is nothing else than to be united to God."

Increased capacity for Joy

Since coming back from Japan, I've found that I have an increased capacity for joy and happiness.

When you go through something really tough and then it ends, it's easier to be content and happy in simple things. For instance, when you have a sore throat, you just want your throat to get better, and that's all you can think about. When it's better, for a time you may actually realize how nice it is just to have a throat that doesn't hurt. I'm in that stage when it comes to things being back in a stable situation.

I'd say there are a few speicfic things that I rejoice in even more. One is my relationship with God and the time I get to spend with Him every morning. This is a rich season for such. A second is singing to God in English in church. Another would be just being around people, again.

By enduring a season of hardship, I have increased my capacity for happiness.

It is like emerging from a dark tunnel where the light is so small that you cannot see color into a world of green hills and cloudy blue skies.

Loss of gifts

April 4, 2010

Loss of Gifts

One of the hardest parts about entering a foreign culture as a missionary is that you lose all your gifts. Teaching... counseling or comforting others... prophesy... you lose all of these! Teaching through an interpretor is just not the same! In fact, I would say that almost all the spiritual gifts that are listed in scripture require a fairly high degree of language proficiency to be fully excercized. Even intercessory prayer can't be expressed to the the fullest – leading others in prayer – without a lot of fluency.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts of the early missionary career is this inability to serve others. Especially in an advanced and independent culture like Japan, it's hard to help anyone, and you are the recipient of so much help. And in Japanese culture, which is based on unspoken obligation, it really gets to you that others always help you, but you can do so little. You begin to wonder if people get tired of taking care of you.

I do believe that in addition to the need to be loved by and encouraged by others, people have a need to love and encourage others. You will not be emotionally fulfilled if you don't feel that you are able to really help others. In fact, if you are down, I think that one of the best things you can do for yourself is to comfort someone else. It gets your mind off your own troubles, so that you don't fall into a negative spiral of self-focused depression.

However, with the language barrier, it's so hard to help others. Unless there are other English-speakers that you can minister to, you feel like you can't minister to anyone. And if you are a younger, junior missionary, as I was, around very strong-seeming missionaries who don't need your help, then you may not even be able to comfort the other foreigners around you. For me, I think that perhaps even more than someone to comfort me in my distress when I was in Japan, I needed someone to comfort. It made the loneliness that much thicker.

I remember an American friend who I met while I was on a two-week vacation. She was feeling down about Japan, and during our conversation, I was able to comfort her. I feel as though that gave me a deeper sense of satisfaction that nearly anything else I did while in Japan. Ahh, it is good to be back in my own culture where I can serve others. Being focused on yourself is a terrible fate.

God has a Path

Here is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Truly, it is borne from my time in Kagawa. Anyone good at writing melodies and want to give this hymn a tune?

March 19, 2010

God has a Path

Dark days I see, my purpose lost,
Where is the road that once was clear?
Where is the light, so bright ahead?
Where is my path, so straight with ease?

God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
They only serve to hide His face.

As youths we run and soar the skies,
The world is clear, easy to see.
So swifly we fall, we see no more,
Uncertain with doubt and made unsure.

But God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
They scarcely serve to hide His face.

Every man doubts, is sometimes blind.
All hopes are crushed, all dreams are slain,
But in Christ the dead shall live again.
In Christ the crushed shall breathe anew.

For God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
Behind the clouds, we see His face.

The lame can walk, the blind shall see,
All beaten saints, with joy shall leap.
Our nights are short, our days as years,
Each crying child, the Father hears.

God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
No darkness shall ever hide His face.

He cannot change, we are not lost,
We ever-see by the light of His cross.
Each cloud shall pass, each mist shall fade,
For God has a path, He has a way.

Writing lately about Japan

Lately, I've been reminiscing in writing about my time in Japan. This is mostly for my own sake, but I think that I'll post some of it here, for those who may be interested. I'm not going to proof read or edit these pots, so it won't be up to my usual quality of writing.

We pick up a few weeks into my time in Kagawa, where I was staying in Tadotsu, far away from everyone. I was recently writing about the arrival of Kevin, a short-termer who was with me for 3 weeks.

Finally, a friend
With Kevin, finally I had a friend. Finally I had someone to experience all this new stuff with. Finally, I had someone to talk to when I got home at night. I don't remember those days super-clearly, but I don't remember having any attacks of loneliness during that time, and I remember them being brighter days overall, though still tough.

Kevin was a guy born in Taiwan who came to America when he was 12. His English was totally flawless, and we both were big fans of John Piper (at that point in my life, I was coming down from the pinnacle of my Piper-love). Theologically and in life-stage, we hit it off pretty well, and we both would pray together at night whenever we could.

Praying together at night had been something I started in Sapporo after seeing my sophomore roommates Chris and Rich do it. On that project, the guys prayed together every night of the project except for a couple nights. I continued that in the AGO house with some brothers, with my roommate at MTI, and then in my two months in SLO with Stephane. It was a way to debrief the day with a roommate, and then to pray for one another. It has been one of the most powerful habits I've developed, but it's only doable with a roommate. I pray by myself before bed when I'm alone, but it's just not the same. Lacking that roommate to daily pray with was killing me, both when I was with my parents and then when I was in Japan.

But Kevin and I prayed, and we were encouraged by one another. I don't remember him being an obnoxious snorer, but I did have to leave my room through a separate door, since he slept in the other half of the Tatami room. Ah yes, the room in Tadotsu. It was something like this:

4-mat room 6-mat room

-------------wwwww-----------------

|DDD      +                       |

|DDD Chair+                       |

|DDD      +                       |

|DDD FFFF + KKKKK                 W

W    FFFF + KKKKK                 W

W    FFFF + KKKKK                 W

W    FFFF + KKKKK                 W

W    FFFF +                       |

|    FFFF +                       |

|         +                       |

-CCCC-====--=====----------CCCCCC--

|CCCC.....>.........SSSSSSSCCCCCCSS

|CCCC.....>.........SSSSSSSCCCCCCSS

------------WWWWWW-----------------

Little hallway

Note: There were also some overhead shelves going around most of the cicumferance of the 4-mat room. Kevin slept in the 6-mat room, and I slept in the 4-mat room.


K = Kotatsu
= = Swinging door (swung inwards)
W = Window
D = Desk
F = Where I lay my Futon
S = Super-steep Killer stairs
. = Wooden floor
= Tatami flooring
> = Little step going down
C = Closet
+ = Sliding door

There we go. Ahh, remembering that room. The windows to the four winds, the heat in the summer (prompting all the screened windows to be permanently open and the fan permenently on), the sliding doors in the middle, etc. One window faced the temple and graveyard, one faced the tall kindergartin, one the neighbors, and on out towards the river. Or something like that. You could see all the ornate roof tiles from that view. My room was a window to the world, a place of refuge when things were so hard. I generally was more at ease in that room than anywhere in the rest of the house. It was a good place for all the hardship of Tadotsu. Even when the heat hit, I kept sleeping in that room without air conditioning. One, I didn't want to spend the money. Two, I didn't want to have to rearrange things and set up a bed downstairs. But maybe psycologically, I just felt more at ease up in that room than anywhere else in the house, so I stayed up there, sweating it out. Probably foolish: I should have just forked out the cash.
I have fondness as I remember my little loft, up the neck-break-staircase that I eventually learned to climb quickly. I am probably innacurate in remembering it this fondly, for I spent hours and hours in lonely despair up there, as well, but there was a certain charm to it, at least until I had to bug bomb it (which was later).

Anyways, Kevin was a good companion. He was not much of a snorer, but I rememeber one night when a mosquito (or some other small mosquito-looking fly) got into the the room. I'd had it happen to me: you're asleep, then you hear a sudden, loud buzzing in your ear: a mosquito is here, and you're awake, just wanting to kill it. It's so annoying. Well, at one point, Kevin had had enough, and he turned on the lights and starting banging around his room, trying to kill the bug. I forget if that night he was shouting, “it's a black one, a blood-sucking black one,” but it woke me up, just the same. Funny, looking back.

Kevin loved milk tea. Most days, he made a big teapot of it and filled a 1 liter bottle with ice milk tea to take everywhere with him. And he actually drank that much every day, too. I don't remember how he did at cooking, but it was good to have someone to do meals with.

One day, we went out shopping at the local market. This was the awesome market, the discount one. Kevin felt weird walking around, I think. I know that it was easy to think he was Japanese because of how he looked. Until he opened his mouth, at least. Anyways, at that market (ah yes, and it always was playing American music), he heard a bunch of people around him speaking Chinese, and he found out that there were actually a lot of Chinese in Tadotsu working at the docks. I'd seen four of those girls and even taken the same train with them from Zentsuji one. I could tell they weren't Japanese from their behavior and language. Well, Kevin could communicate with these people. Though, it never went anywhere.

I felt less at ease praying out loud in the morning. That was one thing that was bad about it. My personal prayer life suffered a little because there was only a sliding door separating me and Kevin.

Oh yes, and it was so nice to have someone to walk by the barking dogs with me.

The King Calls us Forth

I feel like lately, I've been getting some poems to write, many of which someday I would love to make into songs. Anyone good at writing melodies?

Here's one from a few weeks ago:

The King Calls us Forth
Joey Stoll, February 6, 2009


We have a King who calls us forth,
For a journey, to go with Him.
Long is the road and dark the paths.
In tents we sleep, seeing a home.
Its beauty's torch is in our hands,
The light of its hope in our eyes,


So we pick up our plows,
We pick up our swords and sing:
Holy is our God.
Righteous is His hand.
He calls the grass from summer's sleep,
The flowers from the earth.
He calls the clouds to give us rain.
His grace is in the winter stream.
Our food, our life, the air we breathe
We claim it from our God and King.


We are the soldiers of the cross.
We are the kingdom's emissaries.
We are the workers in His field.
We are the mirrors of Christ's glory.
We are the pilgrims on His road,
And we shall reign with Him evermore.

So we pick up our plows,
We pick up our swords and sing:
Holy is our God.
Righteous is His hand.
He calls the grass from summer's sleep,
The flowers from the earth.
He calls the clouds to give us rain.
His grace is in the winter stream.
Our food, our life, the air we breathe
We claim it from our God and King.


Our Father has laid out our course;
The way is straight, the path is sure.
His suffering Son has paved our road.
We follow in His pierced steps.
His Spirit dwells within our hearts,
And He sustains us for the trek.
His holy Word, it is our rock;
In its pages we see our God.

So we pick up our plows,
We pick up our swords and sing:
Holy is our God.
Righteous is His hand.
He calls the grass from summer's sleep,
The flowers from the earth.
He calls the clouds to give us rain.
His grace is in the winter stream.
Our food, our life, the air we breathe
We claim it from our God and King.


The end is sure; we cannot fall.
We journey till we see His face,
We reach our home and feel His grace.
To Zion's peak, we march, we go.
To Zion's peak, we march, we go.

Conformed

This past week, the thought that has been hitting me over and over again as I deal with sickness and a certain kind of homelessness called cough surfing without a car is this: Being conformed to the image of Christ.

He was homeless, and now I am, too.

He suffered, and I do, too.

To know Him more... it's all this life is about. To know Him more. To be conformed to the image of the Master.

Gintama

１月２２日

Gintama 銀魂




So, I've been watching a rather strange anime called Gintama. It's like... the opening of closed-state Japan 1853, only instead of America sailing in with battleships, it was aliens that sailed in with spaceships. But the rest is basically the same: unfair treaties, Japan being ashamed, samurai losing their privilages, sword ban, etc.



It's funny, because you have all kinds of modern technology (TVs, etc) and space age technology, all set in a bizzarre 1870s Japan, complete with disgraced samurai.



Filial Piety
Anyways, there's some interesting cultural stuff that's a part of it. In the third episide (you can watch these legally and free, right here), a brother and sister continue trying to run a beat-up dojo that no one goes to, even though it's ruining them financially. Why? Because their dead father wanted it. Did I mention that he died 15 years ago?



In Japan, something you promise a dead relative or something a dead relative wants is just as binding as if they were still alive. So, if you promised your mother that you'd be a good Buddhist for the rest of your life, then suddenly you realize that Christianity is true and good.... what do you do? Well, respect your dead mother, of course, and keep your promise to her, and never become a Christian. Even going to hell would be the right decision to make, because that's where your mother is. This is actually a true story that a missionary friend told me.



Truth? Righteousness? No, filial piety is higher value to many Japanese.



I'm so over living.
I also sense a certain level of despair in this anime. It was made in the disillusioned 2000s, after all, even if it is set in the 1870s. When you have disgraced samurai who have lost everything because the government has changed, I think it reflects the attitudes of young people today. Life seems meaningless, and Nihilism is strong in Japan.



In response to these changes, the main character's idea is this: “Well, I'll make my own code of honor and protect those around me” (this is very anime-main-characterish). But that is not a strong enough philosophy to combat the seeming pointlessness of life, in my opinion.



No, only Christianity can take disgraced samurai, high-school dropouts, neeters, freeters, parasite singles, and all the other despairing young people of Japan, and give them something meaningful to live for. Perhaps this is why in the real 1870s, a lot of samurai became Christians! In addition to Christians starting educational facilities where many of them got saved, perhaps their wounded honor at their lost social position brought them to the foot of the cross.



There is no hope in living to please your deceased parents. Our true Father is in Heaven, and we must live to please Him. He's the one we can't afford to be unfaithful to. And He will give us hope and honor and purpose. Only He can truly restore such things to our lives.



Today's Vocabulary
Finally, here's  today's vocabulary list:



爆音 - Bakuon - An explosion (specifically, the sound of one)
時限 - Jigen - Time limit/period of time
時限爆弾 - Jigen bakudan - TIME BOMB
再放送 - Saihousou -Reruns



Anime is great for learning Japanese, ne?

84th Psalm

So,  recently I've been memorizing the 84th Psalm. Today, I even did some research on it on Blue Letter Bible. There were a few specific things that I was trying to figure out. Verse 5 pronounces a blessing on (according to the NIV) "Those whose hearts are set on pilgrimage." As I looked into the Hebrew, it seems to be something more literally like "those whose hearts are the highways." Though a lot of translations translate this into something about a pilgrimage or highways to Zion. I hope they have a good reason to do that, other than that Hebrew is vague.

Anyways, this verse has been a comfort to me, specifically because I've been on the highways, on the pilgrimage so much, lately. I'm on a pilgrimage, a highway to the Heavenly Zion, and I have a long road ahead. But blessed I am for taking it. "They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion." (verse 7). I suppose that's where the idea of "hearts are the highways" being a pilgrimage comes from. That each will appear before God in Zion. Oh, under the new covenant, what joy this is. As believers, our hearts are set on this pilgrimage to the heavenly Zion, and we WILL go from stength to strength and appear before Him there. My sterength is in You, oh Lord.

Anyways, the "valley of Baca" in verse 6 was also a mystery. Actually, I looked it up in my Japanese Bible for some reason, and it was the valley of 涙, or tears. And sure enough, Baca is Hebrew for weeping. So as I pass through the valley of weeping (I'm still not sure if this is an actual place in Israel), I will "make it a place of springs. The autumn rains also cover it with blessings." That "blessings" is another tricky one that is often translated "pools," but as near as I can tell, that Hebrew word usually means blessings.

And "sheild" in verse 9 seems to often refer to authority or power in the Bible. Interesting, vague Hebrew. Ah well. Good psalm. Read it for yourself.

By the way, speaking of springs of blessing, check it out: another attempt at playing Broken Mirror:

Smoke and Mirrors

Dec. 12, 2009

America: Nothing but Smoke and Mirrors

After being absent from my culture for a time and now returning to it, I have a theory about American culture: what it is and what it needs. Here it goes.

This modern world

My first observation about modern America is that we are unbelievably advanced in technology. We possess artifacts that the ancients would never have dreamed of. We can speak across the globe in an instant. We can circumvent it in less than a day. We have tiny boxes that can produce endless hours of music upon our request and whim. I mean, think about that. If you wanted to hear a symphony, you used to actually have to go to the symphony. Today, you can carry it around in a 3 ounce ipod.

Let's keep going. There is more entertainment available today on Youtube for free than any mortal could ever consume. And forget the Roman Colosseum. we can watch bloodier, more exciting things with the wave of our hand. And we can even participate in fighting in such games all day and night without any risk of injury (except perhaps carpal tunnels). Sexual imagery is everywhere. We have sex on demand. We are like gods. Nay, better. Even Zeus had to come down in human flesh to seduce a woman that he desired. For a paltry fee, we can have her at the edge of our fingers in high definition.

Global village

People who have grown up in the last few decades have lived with such immense power at their fingertips since birth. It is commonplace to us now, nothing special. Only the latest thing is special. And even that doesn't stay latest for long. We have more entertainment than we could ever imagine consuming.

And it comes in the form of mass-produced goods. Ipods, computers, cars... though they try to fool us into thinking that it's “our ipod,” or a “personal computer,” all we're really doing is choosing the model and colors. There are thousands of others out there with the exact same good. In my opinion, we are united by our mass-produced, mass-consumed entertainment. People from California to Maine watch the same TV hits. Heck, people in Japan will be watching them in six months. The entire world is unified by the US entertainment behemoth. We have more in common than ever with millions around the world who love the same movies and electronic gadgets we do. Without ever visiting China, you share the same entertainment consumption with them.

“Global village.” That's what we call this. We feel it all around us. And yet, what is the effect on human community? My thesis, if there is one, is this: because of the interconnectedness created by mass-produced, mass-consumed products, even though we have more in common with more people than ever before, and even though we can maintain more relationships than ever before, Americans feel as though we are losing our individuality and genuine human relationships.

Nothing but lies

One interesting fact about these phenmenons is their falsehood. I mean, entertainment is nothing but acting. I think that's why reality shows have been so popular: they aren't totally scripted, and they give an illusion of something real. However, for everything else, we are watching actors and 3D animation. There is no reality to video games, movies, music, and television. They exist to make money, not convey truth.

Everything is false. Our music is about love to non-existant lovers. Our adventures are digitally produced, and there is neither risk nor true reward for completing them: just a pretty computer graphic movie at the end. Even our sex is done by actors. It is false (they're not really having sex) and absent of love (they're actors, for crying out loud!). And though we love it when a movie says “based on a true story,” how many of us actually take the time to research and see how much of it is true? Few care about the real, true story, just the entertaining movie. In a thousand ways, we spend our lives living in a virtual reality world, utterly absent of substance.

I think this plays into the overwhelmingly post-modern culture of today. When so much time is spent consuming entertainment and advetizing, it's hard to care about truth. There is so much information going into the mind that it's hard to discern every piece of it and easier to only care about what makes you feel good. It's just too much work to examine truth.

Loneliness

Let's face it. As much as we can put out an image or pretend, we are part of a mass of humanity. We are a part of a statistically calculated demographic. They know what you're likely to like, and they use it to market to you, be “they” Warner Brothers or the Republican party.

This is something we live knowing, and we rebel against it. As Americans, we hate it. We want to be individuals! So we watch the TV we like and we buy the latest goods to be individuals. But everyone else, of course, is doing the same thing. We try to be ourself, but there's still the reality that we are somewhat defined by these mass-produced, mass-consumed products, just like everyone else. This desire to express ourselves and be individuals contributes to the use of Youtube and blogging. As convenient as it is for watching movies without paying the price of admission, a lot of people use Youtube to post their own videos, hoping somehow to get the view counter above 1,000.

In a world where we are more aware than ever how many millions are out there, we are alone. We have our god-toys for comfort, but despite them, we live with a profound loneliness. There are more ways than ever to communicate with people (from text messenging to Facebook), but all that does is to make our communication more superficial than ever. We can maintain four times as many relationships with all this technology, but they have the depth of a dessert lake. We are more connected than ever and lonlier than ever.

Genuine

I am convinced that all these facts play into the extreme emphasis placed by young people today on genuineness.

In my experience, one of the best things you can be is genuine. It is such a positive word in this century in the English language. Because of this world of lies, when people run into someone who does not put up an outer facade but is on the outside what they are on the inside, they are drawn to that.

But despite all our methods of communication, most Americans have a difficult time really opening up and being “genuine.” It's hard to do that in a 6 KB text message, after all. It's also why people respect a truly genuine person. In a world so much about things, Americans are longing, more than ever, for real, deep human relationships. They may not admit this or consciously think about it all the time (our god-toys are great at distracting us from our deeper thoughts), but there is a desire for better human relationships.

We live in a world about flashiness. Text messeges are new and flashy (or were a few years ago). Iphone apps are all the rage right now. We love the new. We love the advanced. So sitting down and having a conversation for three hours just sounds boring. So while we put “genuine” on a pedestal, we don't really want to be genuine ourselves. Despite our deep loneliness, what it takes to get out of that loneliness (like talking without music or TV in the background) isn't flashy or new.

What people really want

Young people these days want those true, genuine relationships, whether they admit it or not. Most didn't get them in their family growing up, and they're not getting them from Facebook. Despite all the distraction of our flashy technology, people cannot escape the need for reality, genuiness. And in a world where so many families are broken, they cannot escape their longing for love.

Enter the church

I believe that this is one of the deepest, truest felt-needs in our society today. And it is essential for the mission of the church that we understand this aspect of American culture.

Some churches have gotten good enough at using the world's ways (being flashy) to attract large crowds and get tons of “sinner's prayers” out of people (in the quietness their own seats while everyone's eyes are closed). However, what they do not realize is that they are just meeting a superficial desire: being flashy. They are not meeting the deeper need: something with substance.

The uber-pastor up front, even if he makes himself seem genuine, is still often putting up a facade of what he knows people want (genuineness). He's still an actor on a stage. He is still creating a mass-produced, mass-consumed product: the church service. People, despite enjoying that and being enthralled by that, need something more in this isolated society. They want personal interraction and human relationships. Whether they admit it or even realize it or not, no amount of mass-product will meet their need for meaningful relationships, muchless create a strong relationship with God.

Churches must grow smaller in today's culture. What I mean is that they need small groups, not that the congregation should shrink. If you're just producing a mass-product, you will stay on the superficial outside, and little real transformation will happen. I believe that in today's mass-culture, the best place to create true transformation is in the totally counter-cultural place of a genuine, small community where people know one another deeply. Where they can have those media-less three-hour conversations. The deep loneliness of our society cries for that.

If churches continue to issue productions, they can have some results. But when push comes to shove, Hollywood has a bigger budget, and they're just better at advertizing. The church just can't compete with their mastry of media. So, what I am suggesting is a total side-stepping of the culture into the counter-cultural realm of deep relationships in small groups. Go straight for the jugular of the felt-need and bypass all the marketing.

But these can't be just any small groups. No. As Christians, we have to unplug from our media enough to develop real people-skills, like listening to others in a way that gets them to truly talk. The small groups that are needed are small groups filled with people who are experiencing the transforming power of the gospel and learning to develop deep, real, loving, and strong human relationships. In short, they must experience transformation and do so openly in community. In our culture of broken families, I think that people are longing deeply for that kind of nearness and unconditional love. And that is something the church was made to do that Hollywood never can.

Know your culture

It is important to understand your own culture. It is important to study your own culture and study it hard, just as a missionary studies a foreign culture he enters. If you do, you understand what people are hurting and where they need healing from God and ultimately may be open to the Gospel. We must be students of our culture.

For instance, I think the days of tracts are much ended in America. Quite simply, it's just another mass-produced product, so many people these days will even read it. Even a gospel presentation personally presented through a tract can still have that mass-produced feel, and people feel like you are not being genuine, which is the unforgiveable sin. They will shut you out. The gospel must not only be the true gospel message, but it must be presented in such a way that people know they are loved and cared for in the presentation. Otherwise, they will not listen. Tracts make you appear just like Coca-cola. Only Coke has better ads.

Sharing in a non-truth culture

Our culture is almost entirely oriented away from truth, now. It is thoroughly post-modern. And you can wring your hands and wonder how to bash that away and share the gospel, or you can use it to your advantage. People are disillusioned with claims of absolute truth, but they are thirsting for deep relationships. Make your church a place of such deep relationships that they will be drawn into it, loved like they've never been loved in their lives, and find themselves believing this truth that has such power.

For all that we care about “having an answer” to the question that we are asked, it is Jesus that said, “By this all men will know you are my disciples: if you love one another.” Our culture is now in a perfect place for the spilling-over of genuine love from within a church to be the primary method of evangelism to those outside of the church.

So, in conclusion, be a student of your own culture. These are some observations by me, but I'm not sure how accurate they all are. You must study American culture for yourself and pray for God's wisdom. And study the difference between Christian and non-Christian subcultures. They are quite different, and you don't want to be preaching a Christian-aimed message to non-Christians. Preach the Word; be a minister of the entrusted, holy, and true gospel, and do it in a way where people can easily understand the hard-to-receive, life-destroying, life-healing power of our God.