SLO and Zion

I actually wrote this post a week ago, but just posted it today. If you'd like something sarcastic and cynical, please scroll down to my previous post about being in love. If you'd like something serious, read this post.

Nov. 23, 2009

SLO Times

This past weekend, I went up to San Luis Obispo for a visit. Since leaving America a year and a half ago, SLO was constantly on my mind. And there I was... in that place again.

Home?

As much as any place on earth could be considered home, SLO is my home. I have not been able to come to a place of calling Japan “home,” yet (even in the earthly sense). SLO is still home to me. This isn't meant as a slight against my parents. Their place is like a second home. It was home as a child, but as an adult, we find homes in new places away from our parents. And I feel too out of place in Southern California. I feel like those on the Central Coast understand who I am and are like me. And my church is there.

In that place, I have experienced deeper bonds of friendship and deeper wholeness than any other. They are my tribe, my family. I have a place of belonging there.

And so, quite predictably, as soon as my jet lag was recovered enough to drive those 260 miles, I made my way up to San Luis for a weekend. It was a good weekend. My heart still burns from it.

I've been nervous what it would be like going back, whether I would feel utterly out of place or whether I would be received into the waiting arms of my friends. It was the latter.

What I found

Going back was not as emotional as I imagined over the last year and a half, when it was always on my mind. Rather, SLO is, after all, an earthly city, so my emotions were still mortal emotions and the people were mere humans. It is not heaven, though it sure feels close, sometimes.

It was a joyful time. With those I was closest to, it was like just picking up our relationships where they left off. It was as though there were nearly two years of news to catch up on, but they hadn't changed that much. Some were married, some had babies, but they were still those I have loved.

It is the revival that defines that city to me, the work that God is doing. The passionate prayer of the saints. The ministering saints. God is at work, and it's like stepping into the Great Awakening when I go there. There is no place like it on earth. It's not the beauty of that valley that was so wonderful, neither the laid back atmosphere. No, the uniqueness is in the revival, that which I was swept up in and left stranded by on the mission field.

That revival is still happening, and it was good to step into it for a weekend. The fact that so many people were doing well made for a good visit. It was also fun surprising people who thought I was still 7000 miles away. I feel refreshed and more ready for what is next (my deputation down south, here). And of course, I can't wait to go back for a few months starting in January.

The departure

A year and a half ago, leaving SLO was the hardest experience of my life. I've never lost a parent or close family member, but that departure, that 出発 was like the death of all my best friends, followed by my entering a strange and lonely society alone. I suppose that's one reason why I expected my return to be so emotional: it was like receiving them all back from the dead.

Why must I continue on this path? I do not know what leaving that place again will be like when I do so in March to return to Japan in April. How do my feet continue down this road?

Whatever my feelings are; wherever my heart is at, I am a realist. The ideal is one thing, but I know enough of human existence and life to know that our good memories are always better than the events themselves.

And in addition, even if we do find ourselves in an ideal state, that state cannot last. What would I do for a job in SLO? How would I emotionally deal with the constant departure of college students? Even if I had stayed, it would not have been as good as I imagine. Despite that I am envious of those whom God blessed to stay, I know that they have life problems, too. If I would have clutched SLO like a treasure of mine, I would have lost it in the end. Perhaps now that I have left, it shall remain as a place of refuge for me to return to in times of need.

In addition, once we have left a place, it falls into an axiom that I live by: There is no going back to the Shire. You cannot return to the glory days or whatever happy memories you have. You're better off pursuing new ones. But yes, I have written of that in the past.

The Road Ahead

It always comes to this point when I mourn leaving a place, does it not? To me, SLO is like an earthly picture of the Eternal City, that which I long so intently to see. The affections that I have for it are those that only that City deserves. So, then, in my mind, the New Jerusalem and San Luis Obispo get confused at times, and that's why that town means so much, too much to me. For however fine, it cannot hold even the basest comparison to where I journey.

So then, I have my reason to press on. I leave the place of my desires and longings because I know that it is not the true place of my desires and longings. I can leave that good city because I journey to a better one. I can leave that earthly city to journey to an eternal one. I have the strength to leave that valley, because my destination is Zion.

Even today, driving home, I was longing more intently for another departure, the departure to that City. Perhaps because I experienced such beauty this weekend, I was able to imagine and long for it more clearly. It is that ability to imagine that keeps me longing.

Oh, my friends, my loved ones. Do not weep for me. Our parting is but brief...

In Love

Nov 29, 2009

In Love. Something Like Driving With an Opaque Windshield

I've begun reading The Five Love Languages. I'd heard that it's a really good book. It's also pretty short, so I should get through it quickly. Tragically, I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but it's good to be prepared for that sort of thing.

On being in love

One of the first chapters in this book was on the idea of being “In love.” It confirmed something that I've formed suspicions about. The infatuation that we so often associate with being “in love” or with young love is a euphoric state where everything is perfect, and it lasts an average of two years. When it ends, you're married, and you begin to wonder why you made that choice.

For myself, I believe that there is more than one woman out there who I am capable of falling in love with. Specifically, there are probably about 800 million of them. So, finding a person that I am in love with is not a major priority for me. Sooner or later, if I spend enough time with any girl, anywhere, there's about a 63% chance that I'll fall for her. Heck, even if I'm looking for someone who will feel the same way about me... out of the 800 million women in the world that I'm capable of falling in love with, there's probably at least a few hundred thousand who will reciprocate.

Bah, being “in love” is simply an emotional trick to get us to have babies. I call it “infatuation.” Real love is in caring for the other above yourself, rain or shine, with blood and sweat and tears. Agape. I'm sure that you can find some puritan sermons on the Internet about it.

The real task

To me, the supreme problem to be solved is this: get a good wife. I've read through Proverbs enough times to realize that's what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a girl who I'm “in love” with, because then there would be 800 million potentials out there. Searching for “The One” is just an American myth. This isn't the Matrix. Unless a voice from heaven should say, “Joey, this is the woman you are to marry,” I should not think I have found the One. And even then, it's probably just the hormones getting to me. No, the one I marry is the One. And when the knot is tied, then I can say that I have found her.

So, to me, it's all about finding someone with the same vision and same passion for God as me who will support me and enable me to be all I can be for God. And just as significantly, it's about finding a woman who wants to be all she can be for God and who I can enable towards that end. It is about finding the person who will enable me to maximally glorify God with my life and who I will enable to maximally glorify God with her life. In the end, the one with whom we will both find utter satisfaction in God through a happy marriage.

The cruel shackles of love

However, I do not presume to be a god, not even a superhero. Perhaps if I were, I could escape the negative effects of being “in love.” However, being a mortal, I will suffer under the terrible bondage of infatuation like any other man. I call it a bondage, because I have seen it destroy lives. I have seen friends, for a girl of ill character, sacrifice all on the alter of “love.” You see, when you are infatuated with someone, your reason flies out through your ears. You cannot make wise choices. You cannot see the faults in that person. You do not realize that she is destroying your life. You abandon all other friendships because they keeping telling you: “Dude, she's an emotionally manipulative, codependent witch.” And even though she wears a steeple hat and is followed by a raven familiar, you don't realize that they're right. You're in love.

Anyways, as I ponder the effects of infatuation on my brain (due to my lack of superpowers), I realize that once I fall for a girl and get in a relationship, it's all over. I will be utterly blind to whether she is a good mate or not. It's like the harpy's song of the Odyssey. Or the imperious curse. I will not be able to trust my senses... at all. So, when you are dating someone and unable to ascertain her character accurately, what in the world are you supposed to do?

Well, I suppose that number one is to maintain such a close walk with God that you are able, to some extent, to hear from Him and not be totally under the spell.

But we also have to take some pointers from Ulysses. When he was passing the harpies, he knew that he would fall under the song, so he had some friends literally chain him to the mast of the ship so that he was physically unable to go to his death. If you don't have people to chain you to the mast of the ship, then you'll follow the harpy's song. What we really need are friends who will bodily tear us from bad girls and lock us in a dark room for a few months.

Well, unfortunately, the police usually arrest friends that good. And we'd probably stay in touch with her through text messenging anyways, these days.

However, maybe it would be good to have some friends around who we trust enough to actually... uhh... listen to. If everyone you talk to says a person is not good for you (and a witch), perhaps they're right. And even if God seems to be saying that she is good for you... well, again, hormones

I suppose it is something like a blind person going out on a date. He has to ask someone else what she looks like.

Russian roulette

The scary part about thinking of dating on the mission field is that I won't necessarily have all that healthy community around me. I don't want an exclusive relationship with a girl (in the sense of having no mutual friends), but if we both have no friends in Japan to start out with, I may not have a choice. So I suppose that dating on the mission field is something like playing Russian roulette. It's a really fun game... 83% of the time. The problem is, you can't tell which time you play will be one of those “not so fun” times. You just spin the barrel and hope that the girl you wind up married to isn't one who's going to totally screw up your life.

Man, an arranged marriage would make life so much easier. Why'd I have to be born American...

Well, hopefully someday God will give me the “OK” to step forward into a relationship. Despite the mortal peril, I'm greatly looking forward to that day.

Returning tomorrow

November 10, 2009

After a long journey, I returned to my homeland to find...

I leave Japan tomorrow. It has been a long, arduous 18 months, and though I intended my first term on the field to be longer, difficulties have been used by the hand of providence to thrust me home sooner. In the states, I hope to refresh myself, reconnect with my supporters, and raise up prayer and laborers and support. And get married, if I can within 5 months. That one seems unlikely at the moment.

But oh, the uncertainty that grips me righ now. I have some vague plans of my stay, but I do not know what awaits me there. I do not know what God has planned for me. I do not know if the odiousness of my own culture shall drive me to insanity or if I shall weep with joy at the pleasure of finding myself once again in familiarity. I do not know if I shall be isolated to extremity or enthralled by the warm embrace of friends. The future is dark, but I am thine, Oh Lord.

I return to the land of my birth which is no longer home.

Adoniram Judson

You may wonder why I'm typing up these quotes now. Well, the reason is that I'm leaving Japan on Wednesday, so I really don't want to carry the actual book with me, good as it was, and I may want to have one or two of these quotes handy for use during my deputation. See you soon! Please feel free to leave a comment if you'd like to get in touch with me while I'm in the states!

 

This is a quote from a letter that Judson wrote that I don't agree with, but it's interesting nonetheless with regards to the tons of short-term missionaries and few long-term missionaries that are going out these days. It's a quote he wrote in response to some missionaries who came out only to serve for a few years:

“I much fear [he complained to the Corresponding Secretary at home] that this will occasion a breach in our mission. How can we, who are devoted for life, cordially take to our hearts one who is a mere hireling? ... I have seen the beginning, middle, and end of severeal limited term missionaries. They are all good for nothing. Though brilliant in an English pulpit, they are incompetent for any real misisonary work. They come out for a few years, with the view of acquiring a stock of credit on which they may vegetate the rest of their days, in the congenial climate of their native land... The motto of every missionary, whether preacher, printer, or schoolmaster, ought to be “Devoted for life.” (pg. 435)

As I said, I don't agree with his criticism of others. However, this is an example of a spirit that used to exist in missions but has, to a great extenet, disappeared: “Devoted for life.” To Judson, that was the missionary calling: to go and not return. Though I believe that in the modern age there is a place for short-termers and such, I nonetheless am fascinated by this old attitude that men like Judson had.

A short quote that fascinated me as I was pondering sanctifation while reading this book a while ago is this, which he wrote to one of his daughters: “If you trust in the Savious and try to be good, he will make you good.” (pg. 457) That's it! I thought. That's sanctification right there. We trust Him, we try, and He makes us good!

During a brief period of time in the states (after he had lived overseas for over 30 years), the biographer wrote this about him:

“Everywhere Adoniram had gone, people had insisted on regarding him as something more than human. On platform after platform he was extolled, much to his own distaste. In reaction, he had been cold, almost insulting, to the man and women who persisted in viewing him as a plaster saint. Time after time, he had disappointed audiences by refusing to discuss his adventures and instead repeating to them the simple message of the Gospel they heard every Sunday from their own ministers. They could see for themselves, so he thought, that he was a man like other men, with a family and family cares, with the failties and foibles of other men. Nevertheless, many preferred the legend to the man.” (pg. 461)

Finally, a quote from Adoniram himself: “'Trust in God and kep your powder dry' was Cromwell's word to his soldiers. 'Trust in God and love one another' is, I think, a better watchword.” (pg. 474)

All quotes taken from To the Golden Shore, by Courtney Anderson, (c) 1956, 1987, Judson press

More of Judson.

Tonight, I'm going to type up some quotes from the ordination of Adinoram Judson and the missionaries who went out with him. These quotes have some incredible perspective for the modern American church. However, before I do, I must make some statements about the word “Heathen.”


In modern English, “Heathen” has an incredibly negative, judgemental nuance. However, even as late as 50 years ago, it wasn't such a strong word as it is today. The meaning was a people that had not heard of Christ or where Christ was virtually unknown. Generally these nations were much more primitive, since for so long the center of gravity of Christianity rested in Europe, so there was definitely an image that went with the word as a less developed nation.


“Heathen” didn't have the powerfully negative nuance that it does today. Often there was a genuine compassion for the heathen, just as today NGOs show a genuine compassion for AIDs-infected Africa. When these people said “heathen,” they weren't looking down in judement so much as anyone who uses the word today. Perhaps a modern equivalent would be “unreached people group.”


So, the word “heathen” is going to pop up a lot in these quotes. I know you'll wince, but understand that English has changed a lot in the last 200 years.


This first quote was given by a Parson Allen who spoke in Nancy's (Adinoram's wife) hometown.

'My dear children,' he told them, 'you are now engaged in the best of causes. It is the cause for which Jesus the Son of God came into the world and suffered and died. You literally forsake father and mother, brothers and sisters, for the sake of Christ and the promotion of His Kingdom.'

He had some special advice to them, as women and wives, concerning their duty to the heavhen women. To convert these women 'will be your business, my dear children, to whom your husbands can have but little, or no access. Go then, and do all in your power to enlighten their minds, and bring them to the knowledge of the truth... Teach them to realize that they are not an inferior race of creatures, but stand upon a par with men. Teach them that they have immortal souls; and are no longer to burn themselves in the same fire, with the bodied of their departed husbands.'

He had words for the girls' parents, too, and for the congregation, but at the end of his discourse he turned again to Nancy and Harriet and concluded in a voice nearly breaking: “To the care of the great Head of the church I now commit them. To His grave I also resign you all. May He gather you together in one. And may you also return and come to Zion with a song, and with shouts of everlasting glory.

Here's a hymn that Parson Allen composed especially for that service. People wept unashamedly as they sang it.

Go, ye herals of salvation;

Go, and preach in heathen lands;

Publish loud to every nation,

What the Lord of life commands.

Go, ye sisters, their companions,

Soothe their care, and wipe their tears,

Angels shall in bright battalions

Guard your steps and guard your fears.

Landed safe in distant regions,

Tell the Burmans Jesus died;

Tell them Satan and his legions,

Bow to him they crucified.

Far beyond the mighty Ganges,

When vast floods beyond us roll,

Think how widely Jesus ranges

Nations wide from pole to pole.

While from heathen nations blended

Light and peace within shall rise;

When your days on earth are ended,

Christ receive you to the skies.

To his grace we now resign you,

To him only you belong;

You with every Christian Hindoo,

Join at last th' angelic throng.

That was their first ordination service, but their second was the big one, in Salem! At least 1,500 people were there, and the church was packed to the max. People walked long distances through the snow in order to see this, the commissioning of the first overseas American missionaries. Dr. Samuel Spring said the following words, and this is one of my favorite quotes from the book:

No enterprise comparable to this has been embraced by the American church. All others retire before it, like stars before the rising sun.

Dr. __Worchester gave the following conclusion:

You are but the precursors of many, who shall follow you in this arduous, gloruious exercise; for the Gospel shall be preached to all nations, and all people shall see the Salvation of God.

So let it be Lord, amen.

Thoughts from the life of Mr. Judson

Posted another post on holiness (see directly below).

However, in the meantime, I'm trying to record some good quotes from the life of Adinoram Judson, who set out with the first party of overseas American Missionaries. This is from the book To the Golden Shore by Courtney Anderson (male).

In his younger years, as he was thinking of taking a major pastorate in Boston:

As he [Adinoram] toyed with this pleasing prospect, half-smiling as he imagined the sea of admiring faces staring up as him from the crowded pews, he began to be aware of a feeling of uneasiness. Without realizing how it happened, he found himself comparing this minister with an obscure country pastor, humbly striving only to bring his congregation and himself to God, without any thought of self. The minister in whose place he had imagined himself was really no better than any other ambitious man, anxious only for fame. What would the judgment be on him in the next world? If he achieved heaven, he would certainly not achieve fame in heaven. It would be the obscure country pastor whose fame would ring out there through eternity, even though he were never heard of here. The world was wrong about its heroes. The world was wrong in its judgments. The fame of the unknown country pastor was really the greater - so much greater that any worldly accomplishment shrank into insignificance. This was the only fame that triumphed over the grave...

 He had always wanted to be truly religious. He had been learning the lessons of religious since he first understood words. Yet how could he be religious and accomplish any ambition in this world?

And this is an excerpt of the letter that he wrote to the father of his future wife (Nancy), asking for permission to marry his daughter:

I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure of the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degredation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Saviour from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?

I have the sudden urge to do likewise (well, if I had a girlfriend).

Cleanness and Holiness

October 21, 2009

Holiness as Cleanness

I've taken a longer break than I wish at this whole holiness exploration thing due to moving and so forth. It's good to be back meditating on this, and I can only pray that God will give me insight.

In my analysis of the Hebrew word(s) for holy, I concluded by saying that holiness is a kind of separate-plussness, but I wasn't sure what that “plus” was. I believe that it's a combination of things. Tonight, I'm going to write about a part of that “plussnness,” namely, holiness as cleanness. As I've read through Leviticus and pondered other things that I've heard in the past, I believe that God gave us the distinction between clean and dirty, in part, as a means of understanding holiness.

In the OT times, the distinction between clean and dirty was a powerful one. It goes back, in some form, at least as far as Noah, who was commanded to take different numbers of clean and unclean animals into the ark. It was recorded in writing and cemented in the Jewish law. Cleanness/uncleanness became a religious, ceremonial concept. If you were unclean, you had to stay away from the temple, and if you were clean, you could enter it (^{reference needed}). If you were unclean, you would stay away from people, because if you touched them, they became unclean. Objects you used also could become unclean.

Leviticus 10

I'll pick up in Leviticus 10 for some more specifics. Chapter 10 is a continuation of the narrative of Chapter 9, which records the dedication of Aaron and his sons as the first Hebrew priests. Chapter 10 begins with Nadab and Abihu (sons of Aaron) being consumed with fire from the Lord for disobeying His commands in how they burned incense in their censors. Why did God do this? Because He would be honored and show Himself holy before all the people (10:3). It was like another, small-scale, golden calf incident.

We're given an interesting command regarding the priests in verses 10-11. The priests, during their service, are not to drink wine or other fermented drink. I think this is a matter of respect for God, primarily, that they must come before a holy God in utter reverence, not drunk.

Whatever other reasons there may be, the next command is that the priests must teach the people to distinguish between holy and the common, clean and the unclean. They must also teach the Israelites the commands of God.

As I read this, I say, “aha!” Right there, we see holiness and cleanliness next to one another as things the priests must teach. And this is not the only time.

Leviticus 11: dietary laws

Chapter 11 is where it gets really interesting to me. It's where God starts writing about dietary laws. He divides certain animals as clean and certain animals as unclean for the Israelites, then tells them to detest and not eat the unclean ones.

In verses 24 and 25 (and elsewhere), we see regulations concerning the touching of unclean things. People also become unclean, clothing becomes unclean, clay pots they touch must be broken (11:33), etc.

These clean/unclean laws often come with something like the following pattern: 1) The process of becoming unclean (i.e. touching a carcass of an animal) 2) An inspection by a priest (in non-dietary laws) 3) The cleaning process or what to do with unclean things (i.e. washing people and clothing, breaking pots, etc) 4) A time period for the uncleanness after the washing (usually till evening).

The relationship between holiness and cleanness.

I believe that verses 43-45 show that there is a certain relationship between holiness and cleanness: “Do not defile yourselved by any of these creatures. Do not make yourselves unclean by means of them or be made unclean by them. I am Yahweh your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves about on the ground. I am YHWH who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore, be holy, because I am holy.”

Again, the famous “Be holy, because I am holy.” However, look right above it! Ponder the implication of that statement, “Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves about on the ground... Be holy...” The implication is that if they were to be made unclean by means of these unclean animals, they would also be spoiling their holiness. I take this to mean that their holiness included cleanness. That cleanness is a part of holiness.

Another great example of these two concepts closely tied together is chapter 21, which contains regulations for priests. Again and again priests are said to be holy. And at the same time, they are told that they must not make themselves unclean, even when a relative dies, because as priests, they're especially holy. The two are intertwined.

Why cleanness?

I said from the beginning that the holiness of God is a mystery too high and grand for us to grasp in its entirety. An assumption that I have made is that therefore, to help us understand it as best we can, He has given us analogies in the Scriptures. Separateness I think is the analogy that captures the essense of it best, but cleanness also helps us in our understanding.

Why cleanness? What is it about being clean that is supposed to help us understand that “plusness” of holiness?

First, cleanness is a good thing. In that ancient culture, and in all cultures I know of, being clean is good, and being dirty is bad (whatever clean and dirty mean in that culture). So with holiness: it is separateness, but separateness in a good way! It's an inherently good thing!

Cleanness is also a purity. If you are clean, you are not polluted by bad things. God, as supremely clean, is not polluted by sin or anything else in the world: He is clean and telling His people to be clean.

I think that another part of this analogy is that dirt gets on other things. This was repeated in various ways with the different regulations. For example, anyone who entered an unclean house became unclean till evening (14:46-47). Just as things that touch unclean things become unclean, so it is with unholiness. Holiness, when it is mixed with unholiness, becomes dirty, defiled. That's why God constantly tells His people: “Be holy because I am holy.” It's so easy to become unholy!

Well, I still have more to write about cleannness and holiness, so stay tuned!