Peace

I've felt an unbelievable peace these last few days as I seek to live my life in this new way (see last post). Despite circumstances being much the same, these have been some of my most mentally-stable days in Japan since coming here.

At church, I managed to fool the Japanese congregation (3 people tonight) into believing I was keeping pace with the conversation. In actuality, I understood almost nothing because they were talking in "Japan-speed" (which is somewhere right around ludicrous speed). However, they think I speak and understand a lot more Japanese than I really do, because I've gotten used to using a really important part of the language: fillers. Primarily, I use "anno" and "eeto," which are both the Japanese equivalent of "umm." Since I use those in my speech (often), they seem to assume that I'm totally fluent and are surprised when they are reminded that I really have no idea of what's going on around me.

Daily Grace

Night falls on Aug 14 2008

Daily Grace

“I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint.” Hab. 2:1

“Perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.” I Sam 14:6b

Here I stand on the ramparts... hmmm...

Last night, while praying, I came to a new conclusion about how to live my life in this time: ikitsuzukeru. I don't know if that actually works in Japanese or not, but I think it translates to, “Keep living.” I've decided to pass into survival mode. The emotional burden on my heart of lonliness and despair is too great at this time to do anything else. I must live one day at a time and not worry about the next. Yes, I suppose that some minimal planning must take place, but in principle and in heart, I live one day at a time. I do not have strength to do more.

Ministry is a fine thing to focus on, I suppose, but not now. Learning Japanese was a major goal for the next two years, until I realized that surviving was a more important one. And so I set the preassure of those things aside and realize that even if I spend less time in the study of Japanese or have to forego some appointment or another, so be it, for I must continue to live. I must find my strength in God for whatever the day holds. And in doing so, I believe that I will study harder and work harder than if the work and study themselves were my prize.

Truly, this is a very dark season. Emotionally, it is one of the darkest I have endured thus far. I do not feel very distant from God as I have at times, but an overwhelming weight presses me. So, every morning, I will go to Christ in prayer and seek Him in His word, drink from the brook, as it were, or eat the widow's bread, and I will gather strength for the day. I will not think of the days to come: let each day worry about itself. I do not have the strength to bear those burdens. No one does. Only One has that strength, and He shall, but I cannot. Each night, I shall come to Him again, briefly, exhausted from the trials of the day, but knowing that my struggles have ended. The next day, if I awake without strength to face the trials ahead, I will drink once more from the brook and eat once more of the widow's bread.

Today was my first day of this, and I believe the course is wise. As I awoke today, a heavy burden of despair was pressing on my chest from the moment my eyes opened, and it slowed my every step. After breakfast I was finally able to come to God and receive my daily portion of grace, just enough for today, and the burden was lifted. Today was a good day, though from time to time thoughts arose of things I must do or of the path ahead, but those are not questions of today, so I have no need to ponder them.

This time is not forever. I do not plan to live like this until I leave Japan (I must step into greater ministry roles when I can). However, for now, it is how I must live if this great trial is to be endured. Endurance. Long-suffering. Hope. Faith. These are the virtues I must arm myself with at this time.

“My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Prov. 3:11-12

He is making me into the man who shall minister before Him here. That is more important than anything now, more important than my comfort, for certain. This must happen if I am to serve Him here. “Deliver,” is about as simple a prayer as one can pray, and oft of late have I prayed it.

So I look with hope as lightning flashes on the edge of the horizon through my window, still too far off for its echoing thunder to be heard. But it flies on clouds across the sea and will arrive here, without fail. So do I stand and wait. The promises of the scriptures are too clear for me to doubt that He who rides on the clouds will deliver those who fear Him. That He splits the heavens to come and rescue me. The Israelites were delivered from Egypt too marvelously, their children from too many armies, David from too many perils, and the kings far too often for me to doubt that. Too many blind were healed and dead were raised for me to doubt that He will come, like the rising sun or the spring rains, for the sake of those who fear him. For my sake.

And yet, perhaps a long wait lies before me. And so I wait it daily, for that is all the strength I have.

Churches and Love Hotels

Aug. 11, 2008

Love Hotels and Churches

In Japan, there's a curious thing called the Love Hotel. Essentially, it's a place to go and commit adultery. Now, it's not unheard of for married couples to spend the night, but if you're going to make love at a love hotel, it's probably not with your spouse. For this reason, love hotels tend to have certain accommodations other hotels don't, like (sometimes) a person who goes around the parking lot and puts covers over the license plates of customer's cars so that no one can tell if you've been there. They often are located in remote areas (sometimes you'll see a billboard advertising a love hotel a few towns away), and they tend to have high walls and tinted windows. It's possible (and desirable) that at a love hotel, you will not see another human being from entering to exiting. Even the person who takes your money may just be a pair of hands through a hole in a wall. After all, you're going there to have illicit sex.

In Japan, I think a lot of people want churches to be like love hotels. No, not places to have sex, but in that they want total anonymity. At the church I work at in a rural part of Japan, most of our contacts are from distant parts of our city or from other cities entirely. I don't think anyone is from nearby, and I know no one is from our immediate neighborhood. It's as though there is an invisible boundary, and if you're too close, you're not going to the church. Maybe if we started rushing people into the church in the depths of night and putting sheets over their cars, we'd boost church attendance. Or if we dug an underground entrance from a telephone booth across the street. Didn't they do that type of thing in Rome?

The reason for this (and it's not universal to every Japanese) is that in Japan, you're not supposed to be interested in Christianity. Some people are, but they won't show it and will never come to an event at a church. Many Japanese are afraid to walk into a church building, even for an English class. What, after all, will the neighbors think? What if someone found out? In Japan, near as I can tell for being a missionary with three months' experience, the social pressure to conform is intense in a way that Americans cannot even imagine. Especially in rural Japan, people watch out for what their neighbors will think of their actions. Coming to church is not something they want to be caught doing. In some ways, adultery is more socially acceptable.

Overcoming this is not easy, and there are no easy solutions. It is but one of many barriers to the spread of the gospel in Japan. Personally, I think the tunnel idea sounds the best.

If you're curious about love hotels, check out this article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_hotel