Friday, April 16, 2010

Augustine of Hippo

I've been reading the City of God, an epic book if ever there was one, by Saint Augustine. Here's some thoughts on it from what I read today:


In book 10, section 6, he writes: “This is the sacrifice of Christians: we, being many, are one body in Chrust, And this also is the sacrifice which the Church continually celebrates in the sacrament of the altar, known to the faithful, in which she teaches that she herself is offered in the offering she makes to God.”

This is a fascinating idea to me, that Chrstians celebrate their own sacrifice (Romans 12:1) as they celebrate the sacrifice of Christ when they eat communion. When we eat the bread of communion, not only do we celebrate Christ's death for our sin, but we celebrate His call to come and bear our own cross. We celebrate the union of justification of faith working itself out in a progressive sanctification: bearing our own cross because Jesus bore His to reconcile us to God.

Here's two great quotes from Book 10, section 3 (I'm not sure if these section demarkations are particular to the print of the book that I am reading):

"For He is the fountain of all our happiness, He is the end of all our desires."

"For our good, about which philosophers have so keenly contended, is nothing else than to be united to God."


Monday, April 12, 2010

Increased capacity for Joy

Since coming back from Japan, I've found that I have an increased capacity for joy and happiness.

When you go through something really tough and then it ends, it's easier to be content and happy in simple things. For instance, when you have a sore throat, you just want your throat to get better, and that's all you can think about. When it's better, for a time you may actually realize how nice it is just to have a throat that doesn't hurt. I'm in that stage when it comes to things being back in a stable situation.

I'd say there are a few speicfic things that I rejoice in even more. One is my relationship with God and the time I get to spend with Him every morning. This is a rich season for such. A second is singing to God in English in church. Another would be just being around people, again.

By enduring a season of hardship, I have increased my capacity for happiness.

It is like emerging from a dark tunnel where the light is so small that you cannot see color into a world of green hills and cloudy blue skies.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Loss of gifts


April 4, 2010
Loss of Gifts

One of the hardest parts about entering a foreign culture as a missionary is that you lose all your gifts. Teaching... counseling or comforting others... prophesy... you lose all of these! Teaching through an interpretor is just not the same! In fact, I would say that almost all the spiritual gifts that are listed in scripture require a fairly high degree of language proficiency to be fully excercized. Even intercessory prayer can't be expressed to the the fullest – leading others in prayer – without a lot of fluency.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts of the early missionary career is this inability to serve others. Especially in an advanced and independent culture like Japan, it's hard to help anyone, and you are the recipient of so much help. And in Japanese culture, which is based on unspoken obligation, it really gets to you that others always help you, but you can do so little. You begin to wonder if people get tired of taking care of you.

I do believe that in addition to the need to be loved by and encouraged by others, people have a need to love and encourage others. You will not be emotionally fulfilled if you don't feel that you are able to really help others. In fact, if you are down, I think that one of the best things you can do for yourself is to comfort someone else. It gets your mind off your own troubles, so that you don't fall into a negative spiral of self-focused depression.

However, with the language barrier, it's so hard to help others. Unless there are other English-speakers that you can minister to, you feel like you can't minister to anyone. And if you are a younger, junior missionary, as I was, around very strong-seeming missionaries who don't need your help, then you may not even be able to comfort the other foreigners around you. For me, I think that perhaps even more than someone to comfort me in my distress when I was in Japan, I needed someone to comfort. It made the loneliness that much thicker.

I remember an American friend who I met while I was on a two-week vacation. She was feeling down about Japan, and during our conversation, I was able to comfort her. I feel as though that gave me a deeper sense of satisfaction that nearly anything else I did while in Japan. Ahh, it is good to be back in my own culture where I can serve others. Being focused on yourself is a terrible fate.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

God has a Path

Here is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Truly, it is borne from my time in Kagawa. Anyone good at writing melodies and want to give this hymn a tune?

March 19, 2010

God has a Path

Dark days I see, my purpose lost,
Where is the road that once was clear?
Where is the light, so bright ahead?
Where is my path, so straight with ease?

God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
They only serve to hide His face.

As youths we run and soar the skies,
The world is clear, easy to see.
So swifly we fall, we see no more,
Uncertain with doubt and made unsure.

But God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
They scarcely serve to hide His face.

Every man doubts, is sometimes blind.
All hopes are crushed, all dreams are slain,
But in Christ the dead shall live again.
In Christ the crushed shall breathe anew.

For God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
Behind the clouds, we see His face.

The lame can walk, the blind shall see,
All beaten saints, with joy shall leap.
Our nights are short, our days as years,
Each crying child, the Father hears.

God has a way, God has a path.
When darkness looms, He does not move.
When shadows fall, He does not change.
No darkness shall ever hide His face.

He cannot change, we are not lost,
We ever-see by the light of His cross.
Each cloud shall pass, each mist shall fade,
For God has a path, He has a way.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Writing lately about Japan

Lately, I've been reminiscing in writing about my time in Japan. This is mostly for my own sake, but I think that I'll post some of it here, for those who may be interested. I'm not going to proof read or edit these pots, so it won't be up to my usual quality of writing.

We pick up a few weeks into my time in Kagawa, where I was staying in Tadotsu, far away from everyone. I was recently writing about the arrival of Kevin, a short-termer who was with me for 3 weeks.

Finally, a friend

With Kevin, finally I had a friend. Finally I had someone to experience all this new stuff with. Finally, I had someone to talk to when I got home at night. I don't remember those days super-clearly, but I don't remember having any attacks of loneliness during that time, and I remember them being brighter days overall, though still tough.

Kevin was a guy born in Taiwan who came to America when he was 12. His English was totally flawless, and we both were big fans of John Piper (at that point in my life, I was coming down from the pinnacle of my Piper-love). Theologically and in life-stage, we hit it off pretty well, and we both would pray together at night whenever we could.

Praying together at night had been something I started in Sapporo after seeing my sophomore roommates Chris and Rich do it. On that project, the guys prayed together every night of the project except for a couple nights. I continued that in the AGO house with some brothers, with my roommate at MTI, and then in my two months in SLO with Stephane. It was a way to debrief the day with a roommate, and then to pray for one another. It has been one of the most powerful habits I've developed, but it's only doable with a roommate. I pray by myself before bed when I'm alone, but it's just not the same. Lacking that roommate to daily pray with was killing me, both when I was with my parents and then when I was in Japan.

But Kevin and I prayed, and we were encouraged by one another. I don't remember him being an obnoxious snorer, but I did have to leave my room through a separate door, since he slept in the other half of the Tatami room. Ah yes, the room in Tadotsu. It was something like this:



4-mat room 6-mat room
-------------wwwww-----------------
|DDD      +                       |
|DDD Chair+                       |
|DDD      +                       |
|DDD FFFF + KKKKK                 W
W    FFFF + KKKKK                 W
W    FFFF + KKKKK                 W
W    FFFF + KKKKK                 W
W    FFFF +                       |
|    FFFF +                       |
|         +                       |
-CCCC-====--=====----------CCCCCC--
|CCCC.....>.........SSSSSSSCCCCCCSS
|CCCC.....>.........SSSSSSSCCCCCCSS
------------WWWWWW-----------------
Little hallway

Note: There were also some overhead shelves going around most of the cicumferance of the 4-mat room. Kevin slept in the 6-mat room, and I slept in the 4-mat room.


K = Kotatsu
= = Swinging door (swung inwards)
W = Window
D = Desk
F = Where I lay my Futon
S = Super-steep Killer stairs
. = Wooden floor
= Tatami flooring
> = Little step going down
C = Closet
+ = Sliding door

There we go. Ahh, remembering that room. The windows to the four winds, the heat in the summer (prompting all the screened windows to be permanently open and the fan permenently on), the sliding doors in the middle, etc. One window faced the temple and graveyard, one faced the tall kindergartin, one the neighbors, and on out towards the river. Or something like that. You could see all the ornate roof tiles from that view. My room was a window to the world, a place of refuge when things were so hard. I generally was more at ease in that room than anywhere in the rest of the house. It was a good place for all the hardship of Tadotsu. Even when the heat hit, I kept sleeping in that room without air conditioning. One, I didn't want to spend the money. Two, I didn't want to have to rearrange things and set up a bed downstairs. But maybe psycologically, I just felt more at ease up in that room than anywhere else in the house, so I stayed up there, sweating it out. Probably foolish: I should have just forked out the cash.
I have fondness as I remember my little loft, up the neck-break-staircase that I eventually learned to climb quickly. I am probably innacurate in remembering it this fondly, for I spent hours and hours in lonely despair up there, as well, but there was a certain charm to it, at least until I had to bug bomb it (which was later).

Anyways, Kevin was a good companion. He was not much of a snorer, but I rememeber one night when a mosquito (or some other small mosquito-looking fly) got into the the room. I'd had it happen to me: you're asleep, then you hear a sudden, loud buzzing in your ear: a mosquito is here, and you're awake, just wanting to kill it. It's so annoying. Well, at one point, Kevin had had enough, and he turned on the lights and starting banging around his room, trying to kill the bug. I forget if that night he was shouting, “it's a black one, a blood-sucking black one,” but it woke me up, just the same. Funny, looking back.

Kevin loved milk tea. Most days, he made a big teapot of it and filled a 1 liter bottle with ice milk tea to take everywhere with him. And he actually drank that much every day, too. I don't remember how he did at cooking, but it was good to have someone to do meals with.

One day, we went out shopping at the local market. This was the awesome market, the discount one. Kevin felt weird walking around, I think. I know that it was easy to think he was Japanese because of how he looked. Until he opened his mouth, at least. Anyways, at that market (ah yes, and it always was playing American music), he heard a bunch of people around him speaking Chinese, and he found out that there were actually a lot of Chinese in Tadotsu working at the docks. I'd seen four of those girls and even taken the same train with them from Zentsuji one. I could tell they weren't Japanese from their behavior and language. Well, Kevin could communicate with these people. Though, it never went anywhere.

I felt less at ease praying out loud in the morning. That was one thing that was bad about it. My personal prayer life suffered a little because there was only a sliding door separating me and Kevin.

Oh yes, and it was so nice to have someone to walk by the barking dogs with me.

Friday, March 19, 2010

The King Calls us Forth

I feel like lately, I've been getting some poems to write, many of which someday I would love to make into songs. Anyone good at writing melodies?

Here's one from a few weeks ago:

The King Calls us Forth
Joey Stoll, February 6, 2009


We have a King who calls us forth,
For a journey, to go with Him.
Long is the road and dark the paths.
In tents we sleep, seeing a home.
Its beauty's torch is in our hands,
The light of its hope in our eyes,


So we pick up our plows,
We pick up our swords and sing:
Holy is our God.
Righteous is His hand.
He calls the grass from summer's sleep,
The flowers from the earth.
He calls the clouds to give us rain.
His grace is in the winter stream.
Our food, our life, the air we breathe
We claim it from our God and King.


We are the soldiers of the cross.
We are the kingdom's emissaries.
We are the workers in His field.
We are the mirrors of Christ's glory.
We are the pilgrims on His road,
And we shall reign with Him evermore.

So we pick up our plows,
We pick up our swords and sing:
Holy is our God.
Righteous is His hand.
He calls the grass from summer's sleep,
The flowers from the earth.
He calls the clouds to give us rain.
His grace is in the winter stream.
Our food, our life, the air we breathe
We claim it from our God and King.


Our Father has laid out our course;
The way is straight, the path is sure.
His suffering Son has paved our road.
We follow in His pierced steps.
His Spirit dwells within our hearts,
And He sustains us for the trek.
His holy Word, it is our rock;
In its pages we see our God.

So we pick up our plows,
We pick up our swords and sing:
Holy is our God.
Righteous is His hand.
He calls the grass from summer's sleep,
The flowers from the earth.
He calls the clouds to give us rain.
His grace is in the winter stream.
Our food, our life, the air we breathe
We claim it from our God and King.


The end is sure; we cannot fall.
We journey till we see His face,
We reach our home and feel His grace.
To Zion's peak, we march, we go.
To Zion's peak, we march, we go.